Freshers’ Week is almost upon us. As you load up your car and tearfully bid farewell to your cat, spare a minute to read our essential Freshers’ guide.
(1) Bring a door wedge. A door wedge is the perfect way to show what a relaxed, fun-loving individual you are. With your door propped open, fellow first-years can come and introduce themselves and — more importantly — admire your stylish decor. That edgy poster you bought last week will come into its own. A warning, however. Don’t lurk in the doorway of your room ready to pounce on unsuspecting freshers. Remember, you’re laid-back and spontaneous, not home-sick and desperate for human interaction.
(2) Exercise self-restraint. In Freshers’ Week, alcohol is not always your friend. Downing a whole bottle of Peach Schnapps doesn’t guarantee popularity, but it does guarantee tooth decay. Strike a balance. Drink enough to have fun (i.e to overcome social awkwardness), but not enough to be thrown out of the club. The ‘new you’ doesn’t want to be found stumbling round in the early hours dressed as a traffic light.
(3) Avoid major embarrassment. This is usually (read: always) related to Point 2. It’s best to maintain a fairly low profile in your first weeks at uni. Nobody wants to be immortalised as the guy who performed the full works of ABBA at 3 a.m, complete with personalised dance moves. If you do find yourself in this position, however, don’t panic. You have at least three years to outdo your fresher self. There’s sure to be more embarrassment to come.
(4) Bake. This is a crude but effective form of bribery. If you provide delicious baked goods, people will always want to hang around with you. No one can resist the lure of a well-risen Victoria Sponge. Plus, most of your soon-to-be friends will be living off pot noodles and vodka shots, so you’ll be giving them a much needed taste of home.
(5) Look after yourself. Although you may be racked with FOMO, remember that it’s okay to have an early night from time to time. Friendship groups rarely form in the first week, and just because you miss a few social events doesn’t mean you’ll be alone forever. In a few months time, you will be wondering why you spent a whole afternoon playing adult Quidditch with Kevin from the I.T department. On a practical level, you’ll get sick of feeling sick all the time. Freshers’ flu is inevitable, but acute pneumonia should probably be avoided. Plus, think of all the fun you might be missing while you’re stuck in a hospital bed.